Evan Katz Talks About Why Eat, Pray, Love Can Be Harmful To Your (Emotional) Health
Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray, Love”, felt trapped. She left her husband, sold a book, and took her book advance to find herself (and transcendent love) in Italy, India and Indonesia.
You know the rest.
Oprah, 3 years on New York Times Best Seller list, and now, a movie starring Julia Roberts. So it should be no surprise that “Eat, Pray, Love” has been on my mind recently. Not in the least because of the big billboard right outside my house, which says: “You Don’t Need a Man. You Need a Champion.”
You like the way that sounds, don’t you?
Well, if this line speaks to you…
If this is the way you truly feel about relationships…
If you really resonate with this and are holding out for no less than your own hero…
You’re most likely making a HUGE mistake.
Click below to learn about how men REALLY are, as opposed to how you WANT them to be.
As always, I don’t tell you what you want to hear.
I attempt to tell the male truth so you can make healthier decisions in love.
That’s why I feel so strongly about this email. Keep reading if you want to understand what’s REALLY on our minds…
“You don’t need a man. You need a champion. You need a hero.”
Hey, those were your words. That’s what you’re holding out for in a man. Fair enough.
So, for a moment, I’d like you to imagine a movie designed specifically for men. Not an action movie, not a horror movie. A movie about one man’s perfect love. After years of being trapped in a sexless, emotionless marriage to a woman who didn’t want to have a baby, Alex leaves his wife to go find himself. Distraught, he decides to have an adventure.
He drives to Vegas. He flies to Ibiza. He journeys to Thailand. Until finally, he discovers the woman who gives him everything he needs.
He writes a book: “Drink, Play, F@#%”.
Howard Stern and Maxim magazine promote the hell out of it, and Alex sells the movie rights. Soon, it’s in a theater near you. You won’t see it, of course, but you can’t miss the ubiquitous billboards: “You don’t need a woman. You need a pornstar who cooks.” I said this to a private client the other day and she couldn’t suppress her cackle. Because she knew it was true.
You hold out for your hero, sarah. We’ll hold out for our Supermodel/Top Chef/Rhodes Scholar.
And all of us will end up alone because there’s nobody that fits the bill. The end!
Not a very happy ending, is it?
To learn what’s important to find in a man, check out “Why He Disappeared: The Smart, Strong, Successful Woman’s Guide to Understanding Men”, which shines the light in your blind spots and shows you a much more effective way to connect with guys. Click here to learn more:
Yes, I’m teasing about the billboard, but although my example may be a bit hyperbolic, it’s not that far from the truth.
Men really DO want the Supermodel/Top Chef/Rhodes Scholar. Women really DO want a hero and a champion. And yet, in order to find happiness, we both must relax our fantasies a little bit.
Not because they don’t feel great. They do. The reason to relax your fantasies is because they’re unrealistic, and they almost invariably lead to disappointment.
Take Bill, for example. Bill’s not a bad guy. He just wants his unrealistic male fantasy. If Bill really expects you to have the same body at 50 as you did at 20, he’s going to be really disappointed.
If Bill really expects you to allow him an “open relationship”, he’s going to be really disappointed.
If Bill really expects you to feed him, while he doesn’t even have to listen to you talk about your day, he’s going to be really disappointed. For Bill to be happy, we can all agree, he has to adjust to reality. If you’re coaching Bill, you tell him that he should be thrilled that he has an active, healthy, sexual woman who knows her way around the kitchen at all. You don’t encourage him to hold out for Angelina Jolie meets Rachael Ray. Do you?
Yet you still feel entitled to hold out for your fantasy. The hero. The champion. Listen, as a dating coach, my job is to help you find happiness in your love life. Because of this role, I have a unique access to your inner world. You might even say that I often understand you better than your own boyfriend. Which is why it’s very easy for me to observe that your expectations of men are RARELY met. Sometimes, you’re 100% correct in your assessment.
If he doesn’t call you regularly…
If he doesn’t want to be your boyfriend…
If he doesn’t ever hint at a future…
Dump his ass NOW. But these aren’t the only expectations that aren’t being met by men. I usually hear something like this: “I don’t know, Evan. I just don’t feel INSPIRED by him.” Come again? “I want to feel that thing in the pit of my stomach. To get nervous when he calls. To admire him and think about him all the time when we’re not together. ”You realize that every time you’ve had that feeling, it’s never worked out, right? “Yes, but I can’t help how I feel.” Fair enough.
Just know that, percentage-wise, the number of men who are cute, smart, kind, tall, funny, generous, ambitious, successful, and family-oriented is miniscule. Now you want to add in “inspirational”? You know how many men are left? That’s okay. Neither do I.
The message of this email isn’t about settling. It’s not about being with a man you can barely tolerate.It’s about the expectation of what a man is capable of delivering. There are millions upon millions of decent looking, thoughtful, bright, solid men who want to marry you, cherish you, build a family, and create a life together. If only you would love them and accept them.
Believe me, nobody wants you to achieve your dreams more than I do. But if you’re holding out for a hero, yet no guy ever fits the bill (and also sticks around!), it may be time to act like Bill, who finally gave up on his Angelina Jolie fantasy and is thrilled to have found YOU. This is how a man finds love. By accepting all that you are, imperfections included. You need to do the same with him. And if you don’t know where to find a man, I have a few ideas…
Click here to learn more about Finding the One Online, which shows you how to use the internet successfully to find love, just like thousands of my clients:
Warmest wishes and much love,
P.S. My client, Holly, who is 80 lbs overweight, didn’t believe in the Finding the One Online technique until she actually tried it. Here’s what she had to say after 4 weeks:
On a personal note, I am BUSY!!! I almost feel like it has turned into a game show with me yelling NEXT every couple of weeks. Men continue to seek me out and I am loving it. I have 3 guys “on the line” right now and am having the time of my life. Having worked with you, I fully believe that I am a PRIZE to be won. If a man isn’t willing to do the work, show he cares or does things that drive me crazy, I move on. My friends laugh because I have a preset phrase I send in an email. Everyone laughs at work when I say, I had to send the “after much thought and consideration” email. I continue to slave away at the gym and am quite happy with the results. Thanks for everything you have done for me. You totally ROCK!!